Recently I’ve been writing a lot about meditation and compassion.

I’ve decided that it’s time to put together a series, something that will have some continuity and that will offer a more complete picture on how meditation and compassion go together.

When we think of meditation, there may be many images and ideas that come to our mind. Even for those of us who have been meditating for a while, we can still become bogged down in one particular dynamic when meditating, the “me” that is meditating.

From what I’ve learned over the years, from the blessings that I’ve been given from studying with meditation masters who truly know the essence and nature of meditation, and from the rigors that I’ve encountered while sitting on my cushion, couch, or chair during formal practice, I’ve come to realize that as long as I hold tightly to a fixed idea of who “I” am while I’m meditating, and as long as I hold in my mind that this “I” is trying to meditate, then the whole journey is a fairly solitary, lonely and even (at times) self-absorbed process.

Whether we’re learning to meditate for “self” improvement or as a spiritual path, it seems that we can fall short of gaining the greatest benefit from a meditative practice when we get stuck in thinking only about ourselves. In fact, it seems to me that most of life’s worries and problems stem from the human tendency to get to stuck in self-absorption.

So, how does meditation help to relieve us of the burden of self-cherishing, self-absorption, self…whatever?

Let’s start this series off with a bang. Let’s start by looking at the person in the mirror!

Recently I’ve been practicing while sitting in bed before going to sleep because it seems to be the only time when I have a chance to just slow down and formally practice. While sitting there, I’m confronted with a full-length reflection of myself in my bedroom mirror, sitting on the bed practicing meditation. While the fascination with staring at my image can be amusing…for the first 30 seconds, after a while it’s down to business and practice. Still, there’s always this guy staring back at me while I’m trying to meditate.

Actually, this guy has been helping my practice quite a bit! Have you ever spent time with yourself in front of a mirror? Hmm, that sounds strange. Let me reword that, have you ever simply looked at yourself, and then looked into your eyes, held the gaze, and not become a little bit…self conscious?

Who is the “self” that we become self-conscious about? Is it the “me” who has all of these thoughts that seem to come and go at a numbing pace? Is it the “me” who looks a certain way or acts a certain way? Or, is it the “me” who experiences bliss and quiet when I meditate and experiences a certain freedom from the constraints of myself?

There’s something amazing about looking into one’s own eyes without a lot of stuff going on in one’s mind. It’s amazing how much dialogue, chatter and…garbage we can invent when we simply try to take time to look into our own eyes, without admiration and without looking away in embarrassment. Give it a try!

What I’ve learned from reflecting on my reflection is that as long as I’m preoccupied with what appears to be “me,” my meditation remains focused “out there.” That is, as long as my attention is turned outwardly, whether it’s on my reflection, my life’s circumstances, others’ lives, or my thinking, emotions or sensations, then my meditation remains bogged down in my outward projections.

One clarification: why do I consider my thoughts, emotions and sensations to be an outward focus and not an inward one? Good question. Thoughts, emotions and sensations all have to do with one’s outer life, what’s going on “out there,” and have very little to do with the inner landscape of the mind. Does that make sense? Whereas, when we meditate with our mind turned inwardly, we allow the thoughts, emotions and sensations to arise without following after them, and remain  – calmly abiding – resting within our meditative mind.

Looking at oneself honestly is about having compassion for who we are. Meditating is also about having compassion for who we are. Letting go of all of our self-concern and our thoughts about ourselves during meditation is also about having compassion for who we are. Allowing ourselves not to be concerned about whether we’re doing our meditation practice “right” is about having compassion for ourselves.

Have compassion for the person in the mirror. Meditate with a mind that’s free from who you should be, who you have been, or who you want to be. Meditate with the image of yourself in the mirror, honest, present and vulnerable. Drop the projection…isn’t that what the mirror does? When we leave the mirror, the image that was there simply goes away. When we leave the projections of who we’re supposed to be, who are we left with…?

Please let me know what you think about this post, does this work for you? Are you able to be compassionate with yourself? And, as always, please feel free to contact me if you’d like to see additional content or other discussions on this site. For more information on how to meditate, exercises in working with the breath, and other nifty stuff, please see the Related Posts below.

Also, don’t forget to download the free ebook, Can Meditation Change the Way that You View Your World?, for help with getting started in you meditation practice. Also, you can download the ebook, How to Work with the Four Distractions to Meditation.

Also, please check out the Blog drop-down menu in the navigation bar at the top of this page, specifically the link to articles on Compassion.