GUEST POST

In this post, it’s my pleasure to introduce a new contributor to this site’s content. As a guest blogger, Holly Ashby brings to the community an important aspect of preventing burnout in nursing; how do we work with ourselves to positively affect our environment. We’ve covered this topic before in discussing how we can use mindfulness, awareness and compassion. Here are a few of Holly’s ideas. 

Banishing Toxic Behaviours

It’s very easy to develop certain behaviours and habits throughout your life without even realising it. Some of these can make a positive impact, like realising you’re actually a morning person. But not all habits end up benefiting our lives, and toxic behaviour is something that can manifest in anyone. Having worked in a high-stress job for most of my life, I know how easy it is to fall into negative patterns of behaviour with colleagues and friends.

Whether it’s unwarranted jealousy towards a colleague or snapping one time too many at our friends, we’re all guilty of it. If ignored, these issues can affect our lives and our relationships – but they don’t have to. By taking action and finally saying to ourselves ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ (and actually meaning it), it’s possible to prevent these habits from becoming deeper issues.

What’s Causing the Problem?

The good news is that just because you’re exhibiting toxic behaviour, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a toxic or abusive person by nature. Toxic behaviour can arise for a multitude of reasons, work being chief amongst them.

These days, many of us work in physically or mentally exhausting jobs, and this can have a huge impact on our personal lives. Last year, it was reported that 526,00 workers in the UK suffered from stress, anxiety or depression that was brought about directly by their jobs.

The UK health sector is affected particularly badly by stress, and it is easy to see why. Their jobs are not only physically demanding, but also emotionally taxing, with stress going so far as to affect their empathy for patients. Friends and family can also sometimes bare the brunt of someone’s stressful workday, especially if they themselves do not work in a similar industry.

Change the Exterior Factors

If work is the problem, there isn’t always an easy solution. Quitting your job may not exactly be possible, especially if you work in a vocational role or a job that has great career prospects. In these cases, it’s hugely important to establish a work/life balance in whichever way you can. Putting boundaries in place – whether it is not working at home after the day is done, or even limiting discussion about work to a limited time frame – can help to separate the two aspects of your life, and start to relieve that stress.

Sometimes, however, changing your job may be a necessary evil in improving your life and your behaviour. During my years of waitressing, I saw first-hand the negative effects that work-related stress had on my co-workers; heavy drinking, for example, was a perfectly normal habit after a heavy shift. If your job role is having a profound impact on your ability to enjoy life, taking the time to find something different may be a necessary catalyst for positive change.

Unplug Yourself

If situational circumstances are not the main cause of your behaviour, it may be time to take a closer look at changes you can make internally. So many toxic behaviours are habits that have been ‘normalised’ by our society but impact those around us negatively – and many of them are fuelled and worsened with the click of a button. I’m talking, of course, about social media. It is estimated that around 210 million people suffer from some kind of internet or social media addiction, and this trend shows no signs of slowing down.

Social media has become such a phenomenon in the last few years that it is easy to forget about the negative impact it can have on us. Countless studies have been conducted over the last few years showing that overuse of social media can decrease our attention span, affect our sleep, lower our self esteem and cause us to lose human connections with one another.

Is it any wonder that more of us are becoming less empathetic, shorter tempered, more judgemental people when we spend about 24 hours a week plugged into our phones, interacting with one another only through avatars and instant messages?

Even if quitting social media is a step too far for you, ‘ghosting’ your phone for a certain amount of time could improve your relationships with others. Instead of spending those 24 hours a week getting involved with someone’s break up over Facebook, you could make up with someone you fell out with, or resume a hobby you forgot you once had. I, for example, make the conscious decision to never scroll through my phone (however tempting) while having a conversation with someone. Sometimes a small change can make all the difference.

The Importance of Self Care

It’s a term that is almost clichéd these days when it comes to dealing with issues in our personal lives. But self care can go a long way in banishing toxic behaviours, especially if they are being brought on by internal struggles and insecurities. Popular self care techniques such as exercise and meditation have been shown in countless studies to have mental health benefits, and can be invaluable for those exhibiting negative behaviour due to depression, anxiety or anger.

Exercise is not only a great excuse to drag ourselves away from our phones, but it is also known to boost our natural endorphin levels, which elevates our mood. The many benefits of meditation are becoming more widely appreciated, especially for those suffering from mental health conditions. For those of us resorting to toxic behaviours to deal with our problems, meditation can be a fantastic way of taking the time to reflect on our own attitudes, as well as our interactions with others.

It’s Not All About You

But before you rush off to quit your job or delete your Facebook profile, it’s important to recognise when behaviour is toxic. This can be a matter of perspective; whether it was in jest or part of a serious conversation, most people have had the phrase ‘it’s not all about you’ thrown at them. However, when it comes to possible toxic behaviours, what’s key is understanding how you triggered that response

Toxic behaviour is toxic when it affects those around you negatively. As such, it’s extremely important to talk to those closest to you if you feel your behaviour is having a negative impact on them, and to listen to them without making excuses. Lack of empathy and selfishness are both common toxic habits which can easily go unnoticed by most of us, particularly as we live in a very individualistic society. Let’s be honest with ourselves: how many decisions do we make based on whether we ‘deserve’ something, as opposed to thinking of others?

By checking in with yourself and others on a regular basis and tackling issues as and when they arise, it may be possible to eliminate toxic behaviours early on. Do this and you stand to improve the lives of the people around you, as well as your own.

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Holly Ashby is a wellness writer who works with the meditation company Will Williams Meditation, who help people cope with stress at work through workplace and corporate wellbeing.