MEDITATION TIP OF THE WEEK

MEDITATION TIP OF THE WEEK IS A WEEKLY SERIES OF VERY SHORT, EASY TO REMEMBER, AND BASIC TIPS ON MEDITATION. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, IS IT HELPFUL?

If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always gotten.

Ever heard that one? You know what it means, but have you ever applied it to your mind?

THE BLAME GAME

When a thought or emotion arises in your mind based on something outside of yourself like a spouse or peer at work, or even a situation like a traffic jam, what goes on in your mind? If things are tense, do you make the situation better or worse? If things are going well, do you kill the “buzz” by wanting more or wondering when the good times are going to end?

When it comes to situations or people that trigger your emotions, does it seem much easier to place the blame of your strong emotions on something outside of yourself. If desire arises, is it easier to say, “that car looks great, I want it..,” or, “I wish that I was as fit as that guy…,”or, “I wish I had that job…,” or….

If you’re feeling angry, isn’t it much easier to say, “If only she wasn’t so….,” or, ” If you hadn’t done that I wouldn’t be so upset.” After all, aren’t there people or situations that just make you so angry, or jealous, or happy, or…whatever?!

We’re so used to blaming our circumstances, whether they’re people or situations, that we’ve almost completely forgotten that there’s an alternative to suffering due to something “out there.”

CHANGE YOUR MIND

Although it may seem easier to lay blame on what we believe to be the cause of our emotions, the spouse, car, boss, driver, etc; when we begin to examine what’s going on within our mind, what we come to realize – sometimes painfully so – is that all of this “stuff” is occurring in our mind and not in the object that we’re projecting the feelings and emotions onto. There is no “out there” to blame it on.

If you assume, even for a moment, that this is true, then how do you go about changing patterns of projection and blame that you’ve reinforced for years? This can be the part that you struggle with. I mean, seriously, if you have to take responsibility for how you’re feeling – all of the time – then that means that you can’t blame any of what you’re feeling on anything or anyone else!? You can’t blame your panic at being unemployed on the loss of a job? Or the desire to have a nicer place to live on the tiny condo that you’re living in now? Or your sorry state of affairs in your marriage on your mate…that’s a tough one!

Because it’s so easy to blame how we’re feeling on another person, our primary relationships can actually prevent us from looking at ourselves due to the fact that we can look at our partner and say, “If it weren’t for you…” This is also why relationships can also be the cause of strengthening our work with our mind, because once we withdraw that projection, we’re left with…our mind!

CHANGE THE GAME

Before we explore the possible “how” of working with our emotions, let’s look at one great benefit of doing so.

For me, what keeps me on track with this kind of work is this one, simple, elegant, and liberating thought; if I can really learn this and learn how not to blame other people or factors for what I’m feeling, then I can free myself from all of this emotional baggage that can interfere with how I am with others. In the case of my career in healthcare, that means that I can show up at the bedside clear and free from distractions and projections. In the case of my relationships, that means that I can show up in my marriage able to see the wonderful person who I’m married to without yearning after some “perfect” relationship (is there such a thing?!?)

The very first step that we take in this journey is to just watch what happens within our mind when it begins to assign the emotion or feeling that we experience onto something “out there.” Simple? Not. But, for now, let’s do just that.

Let’s work with the phrase:

THE OBJECT OF OUR EMOTION IS NOT ITS CAUSE.

The next time that any difficult thought or any emotion that you’d like to blame on something or someone else arises, work with it, test it, sit with it, but whatever you do…don’t project it!

Let other readers here know what you think; does this work for you? What happens when you try this? Leave a comment if you’d like, share your successes, and failures. There’s no right or wrong here; we’re just learning how to take what arises within our mind a little less seriously.