A letter about meditation

How to Meditate

Every once in a while, I receive an email or correspondence from a reader that speaks to the heart of what meditation is or, oppositely, poses an important question related to what meditation isn’t.

Recently I received the following email from one on the readers of this site. I’ve changed it up ever-so-slightly to maintain the confidentiality of it. I never want to force any of you into the spotlight.

Here’s the reader’s email:

Hi Jerome, I have a question…how long does it take to see real lasting change of any kind. I am a healthcare provider who is about to return to work after a number of years off. I am so hoping and counting on meditation to help me with the stress as well as work relationships. I have seen some benefits, but I mean real change. I am really counting on this practice to help.

What this reader expressed was the same desire that many of us come to meditation with, a wish to change something within our life and to do so by using meditation.

Here’s the response that I gave to this person. I’m sharing it with you because this reader’s question comes up a lot. My answer was a bit long, but I feel that it contained some important advice for all of us (me too!) to take in learning how to meditate and how to deal with expectations about what to expect from our meditation.

How Long Does it Take to See Lasting Change from Meditation

Dear Reader –

 

Thanks so much for writing, I love to hear from people.

So, your question, how long does it take to see real lasting change?

From what I’ve learned, and from what others who have meditated for a while have shared with me, is that the change that comes from meditation is a continuum, it’s ongoing. “Real lasting change” begins the moment that you take time to practice meditation. However, lasting, observable change may take some time.

Meditation isn’t a “quick fix” for the challenges in our life. However, what we gain from our efforts can have far-reaching effects not only for us, but for those we work and live with. So, the efforts that we make, gradually and over time, are worth it.

Meditation, at its essence, is about working with the mind to realize a state of non-distraction, where you cease to alter your mind with thoughts, hopes and fears.

As you become less distracted, the immediacy of your life, and the joy of living in the present, become more vivid. This “vividness” can begin the moment that you begin to practice meditation. However, what you may find is that it doesn’t seem to last very long. You experience vividness or clarity or bliss or peace and then…poof! It’s gone.

The two most important things are, 1) don’t grasp on to those experiences, and 2) whatever arises, continue to practice.

We get in the most “trouble” in our meditation practice when we begin to hold on to or grasp after experiences that occur during our practice. This grasping sets us up for a painful experience when we encounter something other than vividness, clarity, bliss or peace. And creating painful experiences is not what meditation is about.

You wrote that you are, “…hoping and counting on meditation to help me with the stress as well as work relationships.” Wow, that may be a tall order. First, as I wrote about, “counting on” anything can set you up for disappointment since things may not always progress as quickly as you’d hope they would. Additionally, it’s not actually the “meditation” that will help with the stress, it’s what you learn during your practice of meditation on how to work with your mind that makes the difference. And by that I mean that meditation simply allows you to connect with an aspect of your mind that is always at peace, regardless of what’s going on within it. Make sense? No?

It’s like this, imagine a wide-open, cloudless sky. That’s like the pristine nature of your mind. Now imagine clouds passing through this sky. That’s like the thoughts, sensations, and emotions that arise within the mind. They’re not really part of your mind, they’re just passing phenomena.

As you meditate, what do you do with your thoughts? How do you relate to what arises? If you find yourself grasping after the “good thoughts” or the “good” experiences that occur during your meditation, that can set you up for disappointment when troubling thoughts or difficult meditation occurs. However, if you can maintain an openness to whatever arises, then not only will you not have “bad” meditation practice, you’ll also find that you won’t be thrown by what arises in your daily life, in the same way that you’re not bothered by what arises during your meditation practice.

What arises within your life, and what arises in your meditation, are like the clouds in the sky, fleeting and impermanent. Through this realization, you’ll gain equanimity, an equal-ness about whatever arises. Does this make sense?

Now, getting back to your question about seeing real, lasting change. Try this:

Right now, sit back and take a few breaths. Calm yourself. Allow yourself to settle into this moment, with whatever is going on. Stop doing whatever you’re doing and allow your mind to settle. Regardless of whatever thoughts may arise, as you’re reading this, as you’re doing this exercise, simply be, present, here, now.

Watch your breathing. Relax. When thoughts arise, come back to the breath as an anchor.

Do this for just a few minutes, or even seconds if that’s all the time that you have.

Rest your mind in your mind….

Now, what do you notice about how your mind “feels” right now?

You may notice that your mind or state of mind changed ever so slightly, momentarily, during that exercise. Or not. Either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters is to take notice of the quality of your mind both during your meditation and after it. Begin to notice the quality of your mind, and then – throughout your day – become aware of its quality. When you notice that there’s tension or distraction, take a mini-meditation session, and just relax your mind in your mind.

There’s a Tibetan expression that goes something like this; “Meditation is not, getting used to is.” What this means is that meditation isn’t so much about doing something or trying to change things as it is about getting used to your mind just resting in its natural state. And this “getting used to” can be difficult since we’re so used to manipulating our mind with thoughts-about-our-thoughts, hopes, fears, dreams, etc.

Real? Lasting? Change? What do you notice about the thoughts and phenomena within your mind? Are they real? How could they be, they come and go one-after-another and then disappear. Lasting? What lasts within your mind, can you show me something, anything, within your mind that lasts? Probably not. Change? Your mind constantly changes. In order for your life to change because of meditation, your mind has to change. And, that’s what it’s doing all the time.

So, the real, lasting, change that you want is right here, right now. Recognize the momentary changes within your mind, when you’re feeling more at peace, when you’re feeling less stressed, when you can just breathe out and say, “aahhhh.” That’s the “magic” of meditation, being able to recognize the momentary changes within your mind, and then connect one moment to the next. 

When you say that you’ve “…seen some benefits..” that’s great! I’d be interested in hearing more about that. Please let me know about what benefits you’re finding from meditation. And, while you’re at it, let others on this site know as well by leaving a comment on the site.

Dear Reader – I hope that this helped. I felt inspired to share this with you. I recently returned to my healthcare profession (a Registered Nurse) after being away from the bedside for three-and-a-half years. I had some trepidation about it, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go back into it. The magic came when I realized that “who” I was, was very different from who I’d been previously. The years that I’d spent meditating had made a difference in how I was at the bedside. But I only knew that after I returned.

How To Meditate

Maybe you’ve already got a meditation practice. If that’s the case, great! Keep it up. And feel free to use all of the content from this site to support you in your efforts. If you haven’t started to meditate, begin now.

Many people don’t meditate because they believe that they need to do “something special” in order to meditate, maybe you’re one of them. “Doing something” special isn’t the case. All you need is your breath, and a few minutes of time set aside to begin your practice. Here are some tools to get you started:

This site has tons of tools for learning how to meditate and be compassionate.

I encourage you to look through the HUNDREDS of articles that I’ve written and especially check out my weekly meditation tips and other useful meditation materials provided for your health and well being. And please let me know if you’d like to discuss anything with me, have any questions or need clarification regarding anything that I’ve written about.

Thanks for visiting and have a mindful day.